Awful or Awesome? The Bossiest To-Do List Ever | iVillage AU

Awful or Awesome? The Bossiest To-Do List Ever | iVillage AU
This is hilarious! ! !
People are forever saying, "Let me know if there is anything I can do", and though of course most people would never ask for any of this stuff (far too embarrassing and awkward), I know that after I had Coop, some people didn't ask but just showed up and did some of this stuff for me anyway I will never forget it!

Finding Zen where you can

I am finally writing another blog entry but from a rather more interesting location than my usual corner table in the dining room; this morning, an overcast Saturday, I am sitting in a lovely little café/deli in Cooks Hill savouring a latte and some peace, having just enjoyed an amazing Aveda massage.

Massages are one of my absolutely favourite things in the entire world, but not something I ever treat myself to so this morning’s extravagance was courtesy of my brother and sister in law, and their generosity in giving me a gift voucher for my recent birthday. Last year I received the same gift from them in the form of some intensive pampering and as I had recently recovered from the birth of our beautiful son, the experience was so perfect that I actually got rather emotional. The funny thing is that this year’s was no less perfect, no less appreciated, and no less needed!

For those who have never experienced an Aveda massage, you generally are greeted with a lovely cup of tea and a foot bath to relax and unwind with while contemplating how you are feeling so that the masseuse can best match the essential oils to your needs for the day. That is just the beginning of a perfect, perfect hour but I won’t go into further detail except to stress that I am now transformed completely into a more relaxed and serene me.

While I was blissed out, I found myself wondering how I could prolong this feeling and try to feel like this all of the time. The past year has been full of the wonders of our son’s first year of life; things are pretty good for me. I work three days a week, we can pay our bills (just ;o/), we are healthy and excited about the prospect of two more beloved babies entering our lives via two very precious couples.

But just because things are good, this doesn’t mean that I am great and I find myself wondering why.

Clearly I need to do something about this. If I, with all of my blessings, can’t honestly say I am firing on all cylinders and fully embracing my life, than how can I teach my son to?

I suppose it’s all about resilience. Life happens to all of us in varying degrees of good and bad. There is no point in lamenting the sorrowful moments, they are supposed to make us stronger right? But it seems to me that while these events certainly make us appreciate the contrast, they also just seem to chip away at our defences and our psyche until one day something has got to give, and it always does.

According to my psychologist (yes I see a psychologist now- a new thing this year, recommended by my GP, the same way she recommends exercise, a balanced diet and regular check-ups) I am a sensitive person. This is news to me but it kind of makes sense. I can be pretty obtuse about a lot of things and often berate myself for jumping in to situations without adequate consideration for myself and others. I am impulsive but not insensitive. When people around me are hurting I really take it on. It hurts me the way a punch in the guts can wind you, and I have learned that for me- while we all keep keeping on- sometimes you have to acknowledge it and have a good shout or cry before you can move on.

Right now I am deeply affected by knowing that someone I love more than life is hurting emotionally, to the point of it manifesting itself physically. I hate knowing that she is so exhausted.

I am affected by the image I was shown at school yesterday of an MRI comparing the brain of a neglected three year old with that of a ‘normal’ toddler. It haunts me that the abuse that many of my students have been suffering their whole lives is causing them brain damage!

I am most affected by the knowledge that I am completely powerless to help the people I care about reach their full potential. I like fixing things and I like feeling that I am in control. I also know that most of the time you just have to suck it up, drink a cup of cement and harden up, get on with it.

But on getting back to real life after such an amazing morning, I am not quite willing to surrender this calm just yet.

So all I can do is look for those moments we all search for when you can stop over thinking, fretting and directing yourself and others and I suppose meditate a little on what is most important to you. For me it is family, friends, faith and integrity and I am best able to remember those things when holding my sleeping son in my arms.

I can look down at him, at his perfect red bow lips, listen to and smell his sweet breath, admire his long, thick, brown lashes resting gently on his smooth cheeks and know that there is peace in the world. I can put him down in his cot, walk out to my husband and share that feeling that together, for just the two of us, there is evidence that together we are a perfect thing.

Spring has sprung!

I have spring fever! There is new spring in my step!

There is one day left of winter but this week, at least for me, spring has sprung!

The reason is a combination of factors. The weather has started to warm up this past fortnight here, so that flowers are blooming and we are finding ourselves flinging the windows and doors wide open to let in the warmer air.

The winter sales are petering out in the shopping centres and, although there are still bargains to be found, most people are looking at the new colours and styles. I am finding the new season fashion very inspiring. It's pretty and pastel and feminine and here in Australia there's still colour blocking a-plenty providing gaiety and simplicity (especially for a woman such as myself who is print- and pattern challenged).

In a less-obviously-connected thread, at work (yes this week was my first week back) the end of year reporting season has kicked off, year twelve are on the count down toward the HSC exams, and we are revising, dotting I's and crossing T's. Next term as we start to farewell our oldest kids (some with sighs of relief , a couple with whoops of joy, but most with tenderness and genuine nostalgia) we begin the task of evaluating and updating programs and resources, cleaning out the rooms and preparing for a fresh new year.


If none of this is explaining my suddenly heightened sense of joie de vivre, let me remind you that two weeks ago I started my diet...

 

AND IT IS WORKING!

 

I have lost 3kg in two weeks. I feel more energetic, I feel invigorated and in control. Best of all, I'm not feeling hungry or deprived! It's been easy! I haven't noticed any change visually yet, except that I am obviously happier, but I am hoping that in another two weeks I will start to feel some of my clothes are a little bit looser.

So next, while continuing my physical transformation, I am turning to my home. I have started the "20 Days to Organise Your Home Challenge" on one of my favourite blogs, The Organised Housewife. Nothing much to report yet as it officially starts on Monday but if you wish to have a peek at what it is all about then click here.

 

I am also reminding myself of some valuable lessons.

1. It is not how much time you spend doing something, or being with somebody, but the quality of that time that is important.
2. If something isn't working, then change it!
3. I am capable of far more than I generally give myself credit for.

So here are some inspirational quotes to finish with:

 

“It's hard to beat a person who never gives up.”
― Babe Ruth

 

“I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”
― Thomas Jefferson

 

"If you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."
--Henry Ford

Groundhog day

So I am starting over. Again.



at 21 and up to mischief

Like alot of women I never had a weight problem until I hit my mid 20's. I don't know why I let myself get fatty boombatty. Lot's of things happened in my life around that time, mostly really good things!

1. I moved back to Port Macquarie after enjoying a few years in Sydney cheffing in some iconic restaurants and meeting some amazing, unforgettable people.
2. I met, and subsequently moved in with, the love of my life.
3. I quit being a chef and went to uni to study for my teaching degree.

Aged 25 with my wonderful man.

Since that time I have graduated uni, gotten married, lost one of my Grandfathers and an equally beloved uncle, spent two action-packed years teaching in the Outback, had my Dad diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, returned to the coast with a permanent teaching position and had our beautiful son. Phew.

I gained well over 30kg (about 6-7 stone).

I must make it very clear that I managed to do that BEFORE having our baby! After the birth I was 7kg lighter!

I don't really know where I went wrong, all I know is that I have done this to myself and I need to fix it, but I just haven't been able to wrap my mind around it. I have been sooooo lazy! I have dieted before, sometimes quite successfully (like the pre-wedding shedding of 10kg) but then I put it all back on- plus some! I am fed up. Sick and tired of buying clothes whose only appeal is that they fit! Where has MY unique style gone? Oh that's right, it's in a box in the cupboard labelled "Do not open until size 10-12". Sigh.
I want to change my lifestyle and get this right! I know it's not easy so rather than facing up to another diet like it is groundhog day I decided it is high time I tried something different. So last week I went to my psychologist (my second ever visit and I think she is marvelous- more on that another time). I asked Dr Melly* what I can do. It is not as simple as telling myself to get up and get moving because I have no energy, no drive, in short I feel like BLAH. Or is it?

I was asked to brainstorm a list of all of the excuses that I come up with and it was quite a long, long list. She told me that all the excuses, like-

• I'm too lazy
• I hate exercise
• I cannot afford Weight Watchers or gym membership while on part time maternity leave

-etc, etc, are just that: excuses, and that I have the learn to manage those 'voices', and any hunger pains.  She told me to liken it to the way that chronic pain sufferers manage their pain; by disassociating the emotion or the physical sensation from the thoughts or excuses. Like as if you are acknowledging the thought or feeling but then tucking it away as being just something that is happening and does not bear dwelling on. Having recently given birth, this was an idea I could definitely get my head around!

The wise Dr Melly then put me onto a free IPhone app called My Fitness Pal, that is a massive database on which you can track what food you are eating throughout the day so that it can count your calories consumed. It also records your daily exercise, tracks weight loss progress, and links to the website. It is everything that works for me in Weight Watchers but it is FREE! FREE! FREE!

Finally we discussed the all important Goal Setting that is prioritised by ANY weight loss program. She stressed that in order to give myself a focus away from the scales, I should incorporate strategies into my diet goals and have exercise goals as well. Here are mine for today:

Time Frame	Diet	Exercise
This week...	Lose 1 kg Track everything I eat	Take Bub for three 30 minute walks.
This time next month...	Lost 5 kg Tracking still and looking at portion sizes.	Exercising every second day for at least 30 mins
By Christmas...	Lost 15kg Tracking, controlling portion sizes and drinking 2L water every day.	Able to go for a 30 min walk but jog for half the distance.



A more recent pic :0(

So today is day 4. I have been counting calories and am finding it to be not too bad, though I have noticed just how much I put into my mouth without considering it, such as left overs I nibble as I put them away, and bits of the foods I prepare for our Cooper. That's the benefit of tracking. If you are completely committed and track everything you eat, you soon become much more mindful of what you are doing.

I am concerned about how I will go next week when I start back at work two days per week.

I am yet to do ANY of my walks. So I am signing off for now in order to do just that. If I leave in the next couple of minutes Cooper will stay awake and we'll get home just as my husband does.

So fear not Penelope, I'll keep you posted.


* names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Letter to me

Letter to my 16 year old self.

In the Australian Woman’s Weekly each issue they have a feature a letter written by a celebrity to their sixteen year old self. As I am about to turn the ripe old age of thirty two (!) and as I have recently become a mother, I have that “fountain of knowledge” feeling and so have decided to indulge this fantasy by completing this exercise myself.

Dear Amie,

I realise as I am writing this that you will be very tempted to laugh me off, and while I love that about you, I also hope that you at least remember these words as they may come in handy in the not too distant future.

Firstly, you are not immune to illness. One day quite soon you will discover yourself to be saddled with the oppression of mental illness and it will break your heart. The good news is that you will discover new depths of resilience if you allow yourself to accept it. You can take charge of your health and take action to keep yourself well but it is hard work and it never goes away so stay vigilant and live on. Don’t doubt yourself, you are the happy person you’ve always believed yourself to be, you just have to fight a little bit harder for it than others.

Sex is NOT love. Enough said.

Keep on kicking those boys to the kerb! I know you love feeling like you are in love but remember that an imperfect relationship will prove faultier with time. You can’t ‘fix’ him with your love and faithfulness and devotion. Relationships must have a strong, deep and personal foundation that is born of experience and mutual respect. But don’t worry, love is mostly always fun. If it isn’t than he isn’t worth your time. Not to give too much away but you will find a man who is perfect for you, quite soon, though he may be nothing much like your sixteen year old self imagines!

Keep reading. Read lots and lots and challenge yourself to read as widely as possible. The World Wide Web is around the corner but you will never tire of grasping a good book, and this will give you much needed escapism, holidays when you cannot afford it, consolation and inspiration. Try to join a good book club if you can.

Every situation is temporary. This is sometimes a relief and sometimes a burden, but you need to know that if you are dissatisfied then you can change that. Do not allow yourself to remain stuck in a rut, living out your less inspired choices, because all that change requires is hard work and persistence and not a little courage. The flip side is that you must make the most of every happy moment, it sounds cheesy, but take time when you are happy to pause and take stock, dig deep and try to remember the feeling. It will carry you through the low points.

Similarly, in spite of what everyone is telling you, the career choices you make as a sixteen year old are not permanent. One day they will refer to your age group collectively as Generation Y. They will generalise, saying that your transient and non committal (Generation Why Should I), but it is actually about knowing your worth and working hard to keep challenging yourself to rise to your full potential. Work really bloody hard. Loyalty is a virtue but beware of it being misplaced. Don’t be discouraged by fear. Change is frightening but no good ever came from hiding from it, so face challenges head on. Just look before you leap.

Don’t be too hard on your friends. It is always better with friendship to have quality over quantity, but sometimes your people will have a lot of difficulty supporting you if it involves them seeing you in a different light. They rely on you to be and act a certain way, but the true friends will adapt with you and love you just the same.

Don’t get involved in other people’s tragedies. You want to save the world. You want to help the people you love and you have a lot of love for a lot of people! Just be warned that interference will result in you losing some very important friendships. You have to learn how to be supportive without stepping in and trying to solve the ‘problem’. Particularly when it comes to your friend’s relationships! They have to make their own mistakes too.

Lastly, treasure your family. Try to discover early on that your amazing parents were people before they were “Mum” and “Dad”. Respect them as individuals as well as loving them for the strength they bring as a partnership. As I write this, your child sleeps peacefully in the next room. This child will be the magic that really awakens you to how amazing your parents are. Keep an eye on your big brother but let him be him. He’ll get everything he wants one day; he’ll just go about it differently to you. Every second with them is more precious than words.

Don’t change more than you have to.

Say nothing else but THANK YOU when someone compliments you.

PLEASE DON’T DANCE TOO CLOSE TO THE SPEAKERS!!!

Love from your older self.

Fear not Parenting Penlops!

I recently experienced the overwhelming joy of sharing with two people we love and cherish the news of their pregnancy. Hooray!!!

This is even more exciting than usual, as this couple have endured much heartbreak and loss in their journey to becoming parents. On top of that, they are the smartest, funniest, most loving couple we know; and they recently got married too!

So Yummy Mummy and I were discussing all things nursery, pregnancy, etc the other evening and I got to thinking about the things that my husband and I have learned/ appreciated/ used since becomming parents nine months ago.

So here it is: my A-Z brainstorm of hopefully usefull information/ advice for prospective parents! TA- DA! I am sure that I could add to it on many of the letters but in the 30odd minutes I spent on it this is what sprang to mind.

A is for ASSERTIVE

If you have a clear idea of what you do and do not want then be calm but firm on it. Don’t be railroaded by well meaning family or friends or medical staff into doing or having something you do not want.

B is for BUMBO! 

Bumbo chairs are brilliant, compact, lightweight, portable lifesavers that babies can enjoy from 3 months. They can safely sit before they can sit! Cooper loves his and we love it even more. Ours was third-hand (and came with a tray), Cooper is its fifth baby and it’s still like brand new!

 C is for CLOTH NAPPIES:

Not even in place of disposable, use whatever suits you to actually cover bub’s bum but just have the old fashioned square ones on hand anyway. Some uses include for sick ups, tummy time (one to lie on and one rolled up under bub’s chest), change pad covers, burping, and my Dad assures me that they make the best man-shed rags for polishing the car, etc, when you’re through.

 D is for DECLUTTER

My nesting instinct didn’t really kick in as much as I became suddenly paranoid and had to take action! Aware that my husband has childhood asthma and hyper sensitive to the clouds of hair that our darling doggy sheds every day second, I decided that we need to seriously de-clutter. This is an ongoing project involving relentless nagging on my husband to complete jobs around the house that I cannot physically do, along with in depth study of the daily tasks on the wonderful blog, Beautifully Organised (click here). I have disposed of crockery, emptied numerous junk drawers, identified and eliminated clutter-collecting zones in our home, and pushed poor Benny dog out of our bed and off the carpeted areas of the house (he is comforted by spending lots of quality time with me while on maternity leave, copious liver treats and the recent purchase of a hot water bottle). De-cluttering minimises the occurrence of unnoticed choking hazards, helps me navigate a dark house at all hours of the night and makes housework speedier so I can get back to watching Project Runway while Bubba Ganoush sleeps.

 E is for ERGO

I actually do not yet own one, but I have experienced it! Ergo baby carriers are absolutely amazing and I am still saving up for one because though our baby is nearly 10months old, you can carry him in an ergo until he is 20kg! Plus we plan to have a number two baby at some stage...

F is for FOAM WEDGY PILLOW!

My foam wedge pillow was a Godsend! It supported my enormous belly in bed during pregnancy to help me get comfortable enough to sleep (a difficult task- see P) then when it was all over and I had shrunk back to size, we used it to prop up one end of Bubby’s bassinet mattress to help him breathe easier at night. I am no Dr of course but ever since doing this at the advice of a work friend we have had not one single issue with colic symptoms. Hurrah! The wedgy is still under the head end of bub’s cot mattress.

G is for GYM

Not for me though, for baby! Y’know those floor gyms? Very, very good invention for entertaining bubby before they can crawl, roll over, etc. Look for one that has a combination of colourful prints and textures as well as some black and white items because high contrast items are easier for babies to focus on.

H is for HELPLINES:

Including the Australian Breastfeeding Association (who also have a fabulous website) helpline- 1800 Mum 2 mum- and Tresillian. They are operated 24 hrs, 7 days, and can be a god send for putting a frantic new mum’s mind at rest.

I is for INTERNET!

A recommendation here and a warning. Firstly, familiarise yourself with the wonderful Australian Breastfeeding Association Website. Secondly, beware of Dr Google! At two weeks old Coop had a very minor heat rash that I swiftly diagnosed as meningococcal! Fortunately Mum was still with us to calm me down (and the rash with a cool bath, hydrocortisone cream [1/2 per cent], and nappy free time) or I would’ve bulldozed my husband into rushing to the emergency room.

 J is for BabyJOGGER!

Our BabyJogger City Select is amazing! We spent a long time shopping around for the right pram for us and we still have not found another we prefer. It has a travel system and two seats; it is narrow, lightweight and strong. It is RED! We love it.

K is for KALEIDOSCOPE

Kaleidoscope is the Newcastle Children’s Hospital network. They are wonderful. The Children’s hospital is amazing the staff are wonderful the baby care nurses are so helpful, providing free home visits and sleep specialist advice, plus much more.

L is for LANSINOH

A LANOLIN ointment specially formulated to condition nipples for breastfeeding and treatment or prevention of cracked nipples. A midwife gave me a sample tube in the hospital and thanks to her I never had a problem. You can put it on before and after every feed when they are bad and before you know it it’ll be pain free feeding :o)

M is for MOTHERSAFE

MotherSafe is a free hotline based at the Royal Women’s Hospital in Randwick. They have access to all of the most up to date research on exposures during pregnancy and breastfeeding. They offered invaluable advice for me concerning my prescription medications including my antidepressant. They also know all about commonly used treatments like infant wind drops, teething gels and help women make informed decisions. 

 N is for NAPPYBAGS

Nappy bags! We have two! I love them both and use them both. One is larger and canvas so is really great for travelling and the other is a jumbo handbag that fits everything in but suits most outfits. Both are, importantly RED so they match my pram. LOL.  Make sure you carry the following:

·         Nappies (duh)

·         Lotion (have a spare that stays in the bag so you don’t have to repack it)

·         Disposable change mats

·         Water (just for you if breast feeding, then also for baby once he/she is older)

·         Hand sanitiser

·         Spare clothes, right down to a singlet, because a Poo-Nami threatens all garments.

·         A wrap.

O is for OINTMENT

Nappy cream, sweet, sweet nappy cream. There are gazillions but I have had success with Lucas’ Pawpaw, and Sudacream. All are available from the supermarket. Not flashy just effective, and trust me I did try a couple of expensive ones I ordered on the ‘net.

P is for PELVIC PAIN

Yes I just found out that the deep, agonising aching in your pubic bone throughout you third trimester has a name! SPD (symphystic pubis dysfunction) is a condition arising from the shifting and rearranging of muscles and ligaments ‘down there’ along with all of the extra strain on your pubic bone but it can be treated with physiotherapy, acupuncture, pelvic floor exercises and exercising caution. Oh and no your vagina is not falling off. PHEW!

 Q is for QUESTIONS!

I had no experience with babies prior to having Cooper so I found that in the first month or two of his life I had a notepad and pen nearby all the time so that I could record all those questions I would come up with during those long, long initial mid-night feeds. I found myself quite forgetful at this stage with all the sleep deprivation and the shock of my new situation so this was very handy. I also could make notes on the timing and duration of his feeds (until I found an app for it!) and the appearance and frequency of his poos!!! You’d be surprised how much detail Drs and midwives like to hear on this subject.

 R is for BATH RING

A bath ring is a little “chair” that suctions to the base of the bath so that baby (baby who is old enough that he can sit up) can be washed without fear of him slipping over. Our little man loves his, and it is a blessing for a mum or dad’s sore back.

S is for Swaddle suits.

I love them! Especially as bubby get’s too big and clever for muslin wrapping but isn’t big enough to stop swaddling. Don't be alarmed that they look like straight jackets. We used the Love to Dream brand and I’ve seen since that they even have ones with detachable arms for the transition period.

T is for TEETHING RINGS

The gel ones, refrigerated- but not frozen- before use.

U is for UNDERWEAR!

Trust me, if you have big boobs, maternity/nursing bras SUCK! This is because they have no underwires. I am sooo tired of my boobs looking saggy! Unfortunately I have been promised by several different ladies that to wear a regular bra is to almost promise yourself mastitis, and I must admit that I’ve never even looked like getting it. I purchased three (the minimum you could probably get away with!) from the UK (pretty, cheap and big enough for my ginormous knockers) and they are still going strong! Hooray! Spend money on pretty ones because you’ll feel pretty shitty wearing them regardless.

 

V is for VIDEO monitor

We have an unavoidably large distance between our bedroom and bub’s room so I really appreciated having the sound and visual once we moved him in there (about 6 months). Lots of people say having a video monitor adds to parental paranoia but we like that we can check on him without disturbing him. Personally I think that (for me) the motion sensor pads that are available are too much and would drive me crazy. Do you know how much babies naturally move during their sleep?

W is for WRAPS!

Muslin wraps and soft cotton wraps and a work friend even made us a snuggley flannelette one. Obviously great for swaddling a newborn but also for lying on in the park or on the floor and for covering up when breastfeeding, plus a great sun shade over the pram that lets in air as well as shading bub’s precious delicate skin.

X is for EXTRA clothes.

ALWAYS carry spares! Especially in those first months because poosplosions DO happen! My baby fortunately has never been colicky and doesn’t puke but I have been puked on by friends’ babies and let me tell you, a spare shirt in the car doesn’t go astray. It may not match your outfit but it’s better than smelling like puke all day.

Y is for YACHNE

Because you shouldn’t get so caught up in the unique quality/ interesting spelling/ or wonderful meaning of a name so much that that you forget the implications of having a name that rhymes with acne. Although having said this I am forgetting that my boy’s name rhymes with Pooper.

Z is for Zippered Wondersuits!

Because who wants to fiddle with press studs in the dark with a screaming baby at three in the morning?