Awful or Awesome? The Bossiest To-Do List Ever | iVillage AU

Awful or Awesome? The Bossiest To-Do List Ever | iVillage AU
This is hilarious! ! !
People are forever saying, "Let me know if there is anything I can do", and though of course most people would never ask for any of this stuff (far too embarrassing and awkward), I know that after I had Coop, some people didn't ask but just showed up and did some of this stuff for me anyway I will never forget it!

Finding Zen where you can

I am finally writing another blog entry but from a rather more interesting location than my usual corner table in the dining room; this morning, an overcast Saturday, I am sitting in a lovely little café/deli in Cooks Hill savouring a latte and some peace, having just enjoyed an amazing Aveda massage.

Massages are one of my absolutely favourite things in the entire world, but not something I ever treat myself to so this morning’s extravagance was courtesy of my brother and sister in law, and their generosity in giving me a gift voucher for my recent birthday. Last year I received the same gift from them in the form of some intensive pampering and as I had recently recovered from the birth of our beautiful son, the experience was so perfect that I actually got rather emotional. The funny thing is that this year’s was no less perfect, no less appreciated, and no less needed!

For those who have never experienced an Aveda massage, you generally are greeted with a lovely cup of tea and a foot bath to relax and unwind with while contemplating how you are feeling so that the masseuse can best match the essential oils to your needs for the day. That is just the beginning of a perfect, perfect hour but I won’t go into further detail except to stress that I am now transformed completely into a more relaxed and serene me.

While I was blissed out, I found myself wondering how I could prolong this feeling and try to feel like this all of the time. The past year has been full of the wonders of our son’s first year of life; things are pretty good for me. I work three days a week, we can pay our bills (just ;o/), we are healthy and excited about the prospect of two more beloved babies entering our lives via two very precious couples.

But just because things are good, this doesn’t mean that I am great and I find myself wondering why.

Clearly I need to do something about this. If I, with all of my blessings, can’t honestly say I am firing on all cylinders and fully embracing my life, than how can I teach my son to?

I suppose it’s all about resilience. Life happens to all of us in varying degrees of good and bad. There is no point in lamenting the sorrowful moments, they are supposed to make us stronger right? But it seems to me that while these events certainly make us appreciate the contrast, they also just seem to chip away at our defences and our psyche until one day something has got to give, and it always does.

According to my psychologist (yes I see a psychologist now- a new thing this year, recommended by my GP, the same way she recommends exercise, a balanced diet and regular check-ups) I am a sensitive person. This is news to me but it kind of makes sense. I can be pretty obtuse about a lot of things and often berate myself for jumping in to situations without adequate consideration for myself and others. I am impulsive but not insensitive. When people around me are hurting I really take it on. It hurts me the way a punch in the guts can wind you, and I have learned that for me- while we all keep keeping on- sometimes you have to acknowledge it and have a good shout or cry before you can move on.

Right now I am deeply affected by knowing that someone I love more than life is hurting emotionally, to the point of it manifesting itself physically. I hate knowing that she is so exhausted.

I am affected by the image I was shown at school yesterday of an MRI comparing the brain of a neglected three year old with that of a ‘normal’ toddler. It haunts me that the abuse that many of my students have been suffering their whole lives is causing them brain damage!

I am most affected by the knowledge that I am completely powerless to help the people I care about reach their full potential. I like fixing things and I like feeling that I am in control. I also know that most of the time you just have to suck it up, drink a cup of cement and harden up, get on with it.

But on getting back to real life after such an amazing morning, I am not quite willing to surrender this calm just yet.

So all I can do is look for those moments we all search for when you can stop over thinking, fretting and directing yourself and others and I suppose meditate a little on what is most important to you. For me it is family, friends, faith and integrity and I am best able to remember those things when holding my sleeping son in my arms.

I can look down at him, at his perfect red bow lips, listen to and smell his sweet breath, admire his long, thick, brown lashes resting gently on his smooth cheeks and know that there is peace in the world. I can put him down in his cot, walk out to my husband and share that feeling that together, for just the two of us, there is evidence that together we are a perfect thing.